Grieving for the Life I Think I Could Have Had

 

 

Some days, I can’t believe I have lived way more than I have left to live, and I am sad. I am sad for not having done more with this life, but I am happy to be alive. I have this feeling of regret at the things I wanted to do but didn’t do. I wanted to travel the world. I traveled a little bit, and I enjoyed visiting Panama and Florida. I hold onto the taste of those experiences with joy. Paris, London, Scotland, and Africa are still calling, but is it too late?

I wanted to study law because I was intrigued by the subject's nuances. I found that this wasn’t a passing fancy when I studied criminal and contract law. I loved it and wanted to go on, but a little worm in my ear says it’s too late. But is it ever too late to study and learn new things?

I grieve because I made so many decisions that I knew were wrong because I love making others happy, even to my detriment. I grieve for the amazing travels I could and should have had, but why not start small and travel around my country? There are so many sites and places in little Jamaica I have yet to experience.

I grieve for the impressive law career I could have had if only I had said no a little more often and yes to me a lot more. Is it really too late to pursue my dream that has refused to die? I go between “No, it’s not, and tell myself, why bother at this age and stage of life?” Then I reminded myself that I have lived for everyone else, so isn’t it time to do something for me? When I was much younger, and the world was mine to conquer, I told myself that even if I were 99 years old, I would be a lawyer.

I grieve for the decisions that prevented me from having the kind of financial freedom I crave. I grieved over the business ideas I was too timid or afraid to pursue. I smile amidst my grief when I see where others have taken those ideas and created profitable businesses.

I grieve for not embracing my creative side. I always wanted to learn to do watercolor paintings. It calls me daily – just take up your brush and paints and make strokes on the water – just start.  I grieve for the time wasted making excuses instead of sitting down and completing my many incomplete manuscripts. 

I grieve for the time wasted having regrets when what I need to do is brush myself off and stride boldly into my future—with hope and purpose. After all, it is not over until I am dead, and until then, I need to enjoy the life I have and move toward the life I really want.

 

 

Three Life Lessons for Financial Well-Being

 

Have you ever had one of those moments when you are overthinking something, and the answer just appears? I have been struggling to come up with blog topics. Determined to write this morning, I went on X, and one of the influencers I follow, Fiona Smith (https://twitter.com/The_MMW), had this “Three Financial Choices…”  The cogs in my brain started, and so this blog was written.

So, what are these choices:

The choice as to how to treat yourself/your body

We all know that if we mistreat our bodies, time will catch up with us unless we die before anything happens. I was a health-conscious teenager and young adult. I ate nutritious foods, started exercising and paid attention to what I ate after my favorite high school teacher told me I was getting too big. I was big – food was a comforter. Then my dad told me (and he was trying to be hurtful) that I looked like a Chinese pig! So, I cut my portions, stopped eating junk food periodically, and even became a vegetarian.

However, over time, with work and life issues leading to added stress, I went back to my comforter – food. Chocolate, ice cream, sodas – if it was sweet, it had my name written all over it!

Then the weight kept coming on, but I fooled myself that I was okay. Then the wake-up call. You are no longer young and fit. Your cholesterol is out of whack, your blood pressure isn’t playing games, and you are on the verge of becoming diabetic.

Now, buying medications that you could have avoided if you made better choices by taking care of yourself costs and medication and healthcare are expensive. There is also the cost associated with getting our mental health back on track.

So, start or keep making good choices regarding your health and mental well-being. Self-care is IMPORTANT!

The choice of how to spend your free time (I prefer “care break” to “free time”)

Free time, or a “care break,” can be used for many different things. Sometimes, I unwind by binge-watching game shows and crime series. Yes, in another life, I would have been a forensic examiner. You could choose not to do anything during this time because unwinding and just ‘being’ is perfectly fine and does wonders for your physical and mental health.

I also choose to use my free time to learn something. These days, I can be found learning Spanish on Duolingo when I take some time for myself! Apart from languages, I also use this time to read because reading is nourishing to my soul. I have also finally gotten used to audible books, so if I feel lazy, I listen to an audible book while relaxing. I have an eclectic taste, so I read lots of genres: historical novels, classics (I am currently reading and enjoy War and Peace),

It was during my downtime that I learned a new skill – proofreading. So, if you want to learn something new, this is a perfect opportunity. Starting in May, I will be using my “care time” to learn book formatting. I dream of one day owning my very own publishing company, so this will come in handy.

Whatever you call this break from “work,” it is your time to rest and revive yourself before returning to the rigors of your regular life.

The choice of a life partner

This is a big one. Are you a saver and your partner a spender without a care in the world? If you answer yes, you may have a big problem. One way to handle this situation is to discuss and decide on how you will handle money and financial matters. Believe me, this can make or break a relationship! In fact, once you get serious and are thinking of making a commitment, have a talk about finance and your money habits – you need this to avoid issues and arguments down the road.

Talk about budgeting. Have a talk and decide on who will handle paying the bills or if you will split these.  Discuss whether you will have just one bank account or multiple accounts and for what purpose. For me, I strongly believe in each partner having their own account (with the knowledge of the other) and one or two joint accounts for paying bills and other emergency savings, etc. You will find the best fit for yourself after talking about it.

Financial Infidelity

OK, hear me out here before coming to a conclusion. I do believe that for some couples, it may be necessary to keep the existence of an account a secret. I have seen families left devastated because of one partner’s reckless spending habits and money management. If you KNOW that your partner has no discipline when it comes to money, it may be necessary to keep a secret account as a buffer.

Read Adam Kol’s posts on LinkedIn for great insights into couples and finance. Trust me, you will not regret it (I am speaking from personal experience and will not gain anything from saying this). Adam is known as the couple's financial coach for good reason.

You and your partner will be in a good place if you can decide on financial matters such as saving, investing, budgeting, etc.