Domestic abuse transcends race, social class and financial status…it affects us all in one way or the other. I was thinking yesterday about a horrendous story in read in The Star newspaper (http://www.jamaica-star.com/thestar/20070925/news/news1.html) about a young Jamaican woman who was stabbed over 100 times all over her body. Her crime, daring to end an abusive relationship, while showing compassion for her abuser. Despite ending the relationship, Oneka opened her doors to her abuser because he had nowhere to live.
Her story is particularly disturbing to me because I have seen the face of the abused up close, have helped to wipe their tears. Like many, I have family members and friends who are themselves victims of domestic abuse.
Is there a physical profile of an abuse or abused? Unfortunately, no…on the outside an abuser rarely carries any indication of their abusive personality on their person. In public they are sweet, gentle and extremely loving to their partners, but behind closed doors a demon appears. I have seen this for myself so that when told of the extent of the abuse I was left dumbstruck.
Why do women (and yes, even men) stay in abusive relationships? Many reasons, fear of change, a belief that they are really loved by the abuser and desire the abuse or just being too scared to leave. Many fear what happened to Oneka, but unlike her, some victims do not live to tell the tale.
Unfortunately some abusers really do not think that they are guilty of anything more than a ‘simple domestic misunderstanding’. Recently I was speaking to an abuser, who told me that he had no choice but to become physical because his wife ‘tells him hurtful things’. Possible true, but that is still no reason to get physically abusive to someone you claim to love.
There is hope for the abused, and dare I say for the abuser…but it will take all of us to effect a change. One way is to join and contribute to organizations that are working to end all forms of domestic abuse. In Jamaica there are agencies such as the Women Inc (Women’s Crisis Centre).
Remember that there is no shame in seeking help…whether you are a victim or an offender.
Her story is particularly disturbing to me because I have seen the face of the abused up close, have helped to wipe their tears. Like many, I have family members and friends who are themselves victims of domestic abuse.
Is there a physical profile of an abuse or abused? Unfortunately, no…on the outside an abuser rarely carries any indication of their abusive personality on their person. In public they are sweet, gentle and extremely loving to their partners, but behind closed doors a demon appears. I have seen this for myself so that when told of the extent of the abuse I was left dumbstruck.
Why do women (and yes, even men) stay in abusive relationships? Many reasons, fear of change, a belief that they are really loved by the abuser and desire the abuse or just being too scared to leave. Many fear what happened to Oneka, but unlike her, some victims do not live to tell the tale.
Unfortunately some abusers really do not think that they are guilty of anything more than a ‘simple domestic misunderstanding’. Recently I was speaking to an abuser, who told me that he had no choice but to become physical because his wife ‘tells him hurtful things’. Possible true, but that is still no reason to get physically abusive to someone you claim to love.
There is hope for the abused, and dare I say for the abuser…but it will take all of us to effect a change. One way is to join and contribute to organizations that are working to end all forms of domestic abuse. In Jamaica there are agencies such as the Women Inc (Women’s Crisis Centre).
Remember that there is no shame in seeking help…whether you are a victim or an offender.