Domestic Abuse Knows No Boundaries

Domestic abuse transcends race, social class and financial status…it affects us all in one way or the other. I was thinking yesterday about a horrendous story in read in The Star newspaper (http://www.jamaica-star.com/thestar/20070925/news/news1.html) about a young Jamaican woman who was stabbed over 100 times all over her body. Her crime, daring to end an abusive relationship, while showing compassion for her abuser. Despite ending the relationship, Oneka opened her doors to her abuser because he had nowhere to live.

Her story is particularly disturbing to me because I have seen the face of the abused up close, have helped to wipe their tears. Like many, I have family members and friends who are themselves victims of domestic abuse.

Is there a physical profile of an abuse or abused? Unfortunately, no…on the outside an abuser rarely carries any indication of their abusive personality on their person. In public they are sweet, gentle and extremely loving to their partners, but behind closed doors a demon appears. I have seen this for myself so that when told of the extent of the abuse I was left dumbstruck.

Why do women (and yes, even men) stay in abusive relationships? Many reasons, fear of change, a belief that they are really loved by the abuser and desire the abuse or just being too scared to leave. Many fear what happened to Oneka, but unlike her, some victims do not live to tell the tale.

Unfortunately some abusers really do not think that they are guilty of anything more than a ‘simple domestic misunderstanding’. Recently I was speaking to an abuser, who told me that he had no choice but to become physical because his wife ‘tells him hurtful things’. Possible true, but that is still no reason to get physically abusive to someone you claim to love.

There is hope for the abused, and dare I say for the abuser…but it will take all of us to effect a change. One way is to join and contribute to organizations that are working to end all forms of domestic abuse. In Jamaica there are agencies such as the Women Inc (Women’s Crisis Centre).

Remember that there is no shame in seeking help…whether you are a victim or an offender.

What's so new about "frienemies"

I found myself watching ABC News early yesterday morning and couldn’t help snickering, when a segment aired and the word ‘frienemies’ was referred to as something new. Jamaicans have been using that word for as long as I can remember; I know that more than 10 years have passed since I first heard it. I know that the term came into popular culture in the USA sometime in the late 1990s thanks to New Radicals and their hit song, You get What You Give.

Just out of curiosity I went to urbandiction.com and there it was. I quick search online showed that the term has been in use for years.

Sorry, ABC, nothing new about that word, but the piece was entertaining.

The Stereotypical Black Character

I don’t know about anyone else, black or white, but I’m tired of the typecasting of black characters. It’s about time black actors and actresses start showing some guts and refuse roles that demand this type of behaviour.

Just this weekend I was watching Transformers and while I didn’t mind the movie, I hated the first scene with Anthony Anderson acting like an idiot. As a matter of fact I am sick to the stomach of black characters playing hip-hop loving dolts all the time.

I must admit that I don’t watch a lot of TV, but I just happened to see a piece of “Corey’s in the House” and was saddened by what I saw. I at least expect better from Disney; maybe ten years ago that show would have been funny, now it’s just dumb – spin-offs are not always a good thing.

Come now, if Hollywood won’t offer you, the black actors, roles that are not insipid why not make your own movies. If not for yourselves, at least do it for future generations. It can be done!!!

The “deny” and then “confirm” mentality of celebrities

One of my favourite Hollywood celebrities, Halle Berry, has joined the list of celebrities who first denied and then confirm a reported event. This lack of honesty, whether it’s called PR or whatever other term we use to “pretty it up” is lying. With so many taking them as role models, celebrities should at least try to be honest.

Being a first time mother later in life, I was thrilled for her. However I had to contain my enthusiasm and joy when her people said, “not true” to reports she was expecting. I was disappointed and thought of the pin she must be feeling because of her desire to be a mom.

Congrats, Halle, I wish for you a great pregnancy and may motherhood be for you the great joy and blessing I have found it to be. I know that you and your boyfriend must be on cloud nine.

What this situation has shown me is that take whatever celebrities, even those you admire, with a grain of salt. One word of advice, if something is true and you do not want to confirm what is being reported….DON’T SAY ANYTHING. That is better than lying to your fans especially, and to everyone else as well.