“Blooming from Brokenness: One Woman’s Rise from Despair to Divine Purpose”

Can you believe that it’s just a few days until Christmas, already? It’s hard to believe that another year is about to end. When I was a child I was so sure the world would have ended before we reached the year 2000. It was just incomprehensible to me that we could live so long; yet here we are barreling thru the 2000s. I found myself doing some retrospection, looking at all the ways things have changed since I was born: - Computers are in most homes - Cell phones are almost a body part, there are few persons who does not own at least one - Email, instant messaging, voice mail… - CD-ROMs, DVDs…what’s a floppy disk? - Ebay - Penpals are now cyberpals In addition to all of the above, there’s also the change to the English Language…so many new words have evolved and the meaning of others have changed. I’m sure if I had more time I could increase my list tremendously. I wonder how many persons take a moment at this time of year to give thanks for all the blessings of the year so far. This ...

I found myself pondering this question for the last few days…why? My husband and I have noticed that there is an alarming increase in the in the number of separations and divorce among our friends and acquaintances. It has always been my belief that people in Hollywood didn’t understand commitment and certainly didn’t know a thing about love, but sadly the same level of divorce seems to be becoming a part of everyday society as well. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when a divorce is inevitable, but I truly believe that some marital problems can be resolved and the couple remains in a happy and committed marriage. One of the main problems resulting in this increase is a failure to communicate with each other. As my mother would say, ‘teeth and tongue will meet’, so yes, couples will quarrel and have disagreements but they should be committed to finding a solution or at least a middle ground from which to sort their problems out. As I approach my 7th wedding anniversary, I find m...

If you’re like me, you’ve been wondering where 2005 went; I cannot believe that it’s a new month and the approach of another year. It can be downright depressing if you really dwell on it. There seems to be so little time to do all the things you want to. You know, I’ve never got caught up in the buzz of Christmas, but this year I’m looking forward to putting up a Christmas tree for my little man. I know he’ll get a kick out of it. And speaking of Christmas isn’t it sad that apart from the commercialization surrounding the season, we’re in real danger of doing away with the word itself. Change can be good, and political politeness is wonderful, but sometimes in trying to please everyone we please no one. Anyway, I’ve been blessed to find an exciting job as a records officer with an international company. It’s tiring work but exciting and I’m enjoying it tremendously. The only downside is that I’m too tired to spend much time writing, but I try to put in a few minutes here and there. Ov...

No, I’ve not disappeared; just have too much going for a while. Hopefully in the next few weeks I’ll begin to get back some me time. Since my last post, my son has turned one. It’s hard to believe that this little man came into my life all of one year ago. It’s truly amazing that someone who depended on me for so much is beginning to exert his independence. He states no quite often when we insist that he does something he doesn’t want to his. On Tuesday his pediatrician was quite amused by this ability. He’s also quite tall for his age. Our little Jalen is also quite the chatterbox…and they are right, children live what they learn. He imitates what we do often. He also doesn’t like baby food much…he’ll refuse it, but always eats what we are eating. Overall I have much to be thankful for, as life’s blessing come in on a daily basis once I know how to look. It’s sometimes as simple as helping a friend or listening to a love’s woes tales of sorrowing and promising that it will pass. As fo...

Forty-two years ago today, Martin Luther King, Jr. gave one of the greatest speeches ever made: I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullifica...

I’m so angry I could scream. I received my electricity bill from the Jamaica Public Service Company and once again the amount is staggering…a whopping five thousand plus dollars. This is just a measly $174 less than the previous month. The funniest part of it is the following: - I foolishly put in fluorescent bulbs since they claim that it lowers usage. - During the period billed we had 9 1/2 hours of power outages. Granted this is an estimate because it just covers the period when someone was home and was able to record the outage time. I knew there were outages when no one is home because I have an old fashion fax machine that spits out pieces of paper each time the power goes and returns. - We rarely leave an outside light on anymore So my question to JPS is: What am I to do to have my electricity bills at a reasonable rate? In the past two years my bill has jumped quite a lot. I really would love to know why this is happening. Sadly, consumers in Jamaica do not have much recour...

Well, Jamaica once again escaped the full force of a hurricane. For this I’m grateful, but my heart goes out to my fellow Caribbean people in Haiti, Cuba and the Caymans. I trust that Florida is not as badly affected like last year. It is scary that the first real hurricane of the season as proven to be so deadly. My heart goes out to England, especially those who have lost loved ones. Oh for a world where we all love and respect each other regardless of colour, race or creed. I applied for a job a few weeks ago. It was at somewhere that I used to part-time. Funny enough the night after I sent in the application I dreamt that the manager in charge of setting up interviews was not going to call me. Before you ask, yes, I have the qualifications for the job. Well, that is now on hold, so I wont know for a while if my dream will come thru. Ah well, God has a bigger plan for me; I just need to be patient and wait upon Him. Now, if only I could get a break so that I can stay home and write ...

Rescuing the black man…June 18 I watch the news in my native Jamaica, I watch the news on NCB 4 and I cry. I watch and pray when a crime is being reported. I pray, “Dear God, don’t let him be black”…so sad for a proud black woman to see the face of crime and violence and so often it’s the face of a ‘black man’. I cry for the black man and know that we, the black woman are partially to be blamed for his slow and steady demise. Mothers, we’re to be blamed for justifying the wrongs of our sons. What happened to the days when if your child took home a pencil you didn’t provide they had to return it or ELSE? Wives/girlfriends, what happened to encouraging our men to do the right thing? When did we lose our souls and accept the ill-begotten fruits of their stealing, rape and murder? When did we begin to truly lose the black man? Did it begin with the murder of Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr? Was it the drug trade? Did we begin to lose our men when we were willing to become ‘baby mothers’ i...

Wow…I sure missed writing in my journal, but once again life had me by the neck. I’ve been job hunting with little success. “You’re too qualified” is the mantra; especially for part-time posts which are what I really want. I trust the Lord to work His will. If it is His will that I return to full-time employment, then so be it. My writing has suffered during this time, but I’m back in the wagon and set to get going again. I’ve a number of magazine articles to complete, so those are priorities. I’ve spend quite a lot of time reading and enjoying m son. What a blessing he is…everything he does is a wonderful new experience for him, but also for his doting dad and of course, me. You know, one thing being down does for you is show you who are your true friends. I’m the type who always tries to call friends every now and then to check in because life is so short. Sadly, during this time very few calls came my way. Joy W, thank you for calling to “hi’. Also, thanks for dear frien...

God be praised. Yesterday I had the fright of my life. I was just in time to see Jalen taking a ‘header’ out of his playpen. I have no idea that I could moved that fast…but I was able to grab him by the foot before he hit the floor. I shook all over and started bawling. Funny enough, he didn’t start crying until I did. Since he started trying to walk, it’s one scare after the other. Jalen is teething and it sure does make him fussy sometimes. Luckily, it not prolong, so he’s back to his sunny self quickly. . Well, I’ve been feeling much better and should be able to start back work tomorrow. I’m almost finished with the project. This will leave me more time for my writing, so that’s good. Oh, to be able to write whenever I wish. I wanted to go in today, but a number of things happened while I was getting ready. Main thing…NWC was at it again, so there was no water.

The last few days have been up and down. I’ve been well, but I heard that a friend died. Guess things like that make you question your own mortality. I’m now determined to take better care of me. I was a vegetarian before getting pregnant last year. Around the third month I couldn’t stand vegetables and had a hankering for meat. My poor husband didn’t know what to make of my demands for jerked pork…pork, which I haven’t eaten for over twenty years. I really tried having vegetables, but my stomach rebelled and I had to eat...I mean the little one needed nourishment. So now that the little man is approaching 9-months old, yikes, I’m getting back to vegetarianism. I didn’t know it would be so hard to resume. Of course, my darling Owen also fell off the vegetarian wagon in support of his wife…isn’t he nice? He bought a hunk of tofu a week ago which is still sitting in the fridge. Anyway, I’m only on chicken primarily, so it’s not so bad. Oh, in case you’re wondering about my water situatio...

Today on my children’s writers’ group, some posed this question and a website link. Well, needless to say curiosity got the better of me, so off I went to find out what type I am. Well, I’m supposedly a Beagle. These animals originated from England, where they were used to hunt rabbits. Apparently queen Elizabeth I had many, and was particularly fond of the now extinct Pocket Beagle. These dogs were so small; they could be carried in the pocket. Anyway, back to me and why I’m like the Beagle personality-wise…apparently they are gentle with children. Well, that’s me…I love them to death. They’re God’s little miracles. They are also strong and powerful; I wish…ah then again, I am STRONG and POWERFUL…I’m Woman and Mother and Wife. Of course, Sister, Aunt, Daughter… They also make fine companions… my husband still has the jury out on that one. But my friends will agree. I did try the test again and came up with …A Shetland Sheepdog…this is really more like me…I’m Intelligent (truly...

It’s hard to believe that my son is almost 8 months old. This morning his daddy said it seems as if he didn’t get enough time with him as a baby. I know how he feels, and bear in mind that his daddy has spent more time with him than I have because he works from home and I sometimes have to work onsite. Owen is just so good with him. On a totally different note, my son is becoming more independent everyday. I’ve seen him periodically struggle to hold on and stand in the crib and playpen. He’s already so determined and has succeeded a few times in the crib, but poor little, Jalen, can only manage to kneel in his playpen. Funny enough, he is already holding on and standing with ease in the sofa. Well, what do you know…today I was out all day and the little man went ahead and stood in the playpen... Again his daddy saw one of his firsts. I’m so happy though, that his hard work has paid off. He was so happy to see me last night when I got home…he just reached out for me with a big g...

Today I just happen to be at home because I’m not feeling well. I’m not complaining however, since I have a deadline to meet for an article, plus I have to complete some training material. In writing this article on Prostate Cancer in the Caribbean, I found some really helpful doctors…I was a bit surprised at how willing some of them were to share their knowledge and time. The first person to respond to my request was a research scientist in the USA…Dr. Eric Small, thank you for your professionalism and willingness to assist. Also willing, and who even went beyond the call, was Dr. David Bristol in St. Lucia. What a gracious, giving human being. Also helping despite also being busy, is my own Dr. William Aiken, President of the Jamaica Urology Society. Hopefully, others will respond in like manner. With so many persons getting caught up in the rat race, it is always nice to find that there are others who still find the time to help their fellow human beings. I guess it is these ...

The above is not in order of priority...of course life is important and my family, including my husband and son are tops, work and writing or interchangeable. As a matter of fact I'd be so happy to take work out of the equation all together, but bills must be paid. Oh, to be able to one day pay the bills from my writing alone. Ah, well, perchance to dream. Should be at work today, but I'm not well, plus DH (Dear Husband) isn't feeling too hot either, so I have to stay home and help take care of Jalen. I don't mind...I wish I could spend all my time at home. Luckily my project is almost completed and if I can get the WINISIS Database installed I should be able to complete setting up the library in another 3-4 weeks. The water situation is a little better, in that, there is water most days from 8PM to 5AM. Of course that means doing the laundry at night or in the pre-dawn hours. Anyway, I'm grateful for small mercies, so thank you NWC...I think.

Well, it’s now one full week without water. This is hell…literally. I’ve pile-high laundry waiting to be done. Thankfully, dear husband got enough water to wash Jalen’s (that’s our baby) clothing. I’ve waited all day to see the water truck and nothing yet, and its 9:31 PM. Well, that’s not quite true…a truck came this evening, but we were told that he was just taking water for his friend. The driver was kind enough to let us know that he was not delivering from the National Water Commission (government of Jamaica’s water company), but from a private source. I want a friend like that!!! I called the National Water Commission’s 1-888 toll free number to get an update, and was promptly told, “They are still working on the pump, but we’ll be trucking water into the area.” Of course, the customer service rep closed by saying, “Having a nice day.” I had to remind her that was impossible after so many days without water. I am looking forward to receiving my water bill for March; will t...

You know, we all have them, when nothing seems to go right and then one little deed makes it all seem insignificant. I've been off centre for a few days since my neighbourhood has been without running water since Sunday, March 13th. I'm used to frequent water disruptions, that's a way of life in some areas of Jamaica. My peeve is that you receive these high water bills and more often than not you're inconvenienced by lack of tap water. This is even worse this time around because I've a baby at home. What misery...but then I remembered those who have never ever had the luxuury of running water. So I don't have running water, but at least on Tuesday morning at 2 a.m, yep, 2 a.m, the water truck came with a delivery after almost three days of nada. But, still I have to be thankful... Today, I am off work again because of the water situation. But it wasn't a bad day, I completed one article for a children's magazine, sent off two queries and had a bit ...

Gosh, I had such hopes and goals for January, and yet here we are with just a few days left, and all my 'things to do' have not been completed. Granted I did meet some of my goals, which are good since I'm mothering a 5-month old. My darling husband got a nanny/household aid to assist me during the week, but it has been very stressful. She takes more talking to than a 5 year old. I think I'm now more stressed than before....LOL. Well, we had to let her go. It just wasn't working out...she breaks things, lies and so many other things. Guess we will just have to manage on our own again.

Well, 2004 went out with a bang literally. There are so many things I'll always remember about 2004. The birth of my son, the US presential election, Laci and Scott Peterson, and of course the tsunami in South East Asia. My heart goes out to these people. For me, 2004 had it's highs and it's lows, but I plan with God's help to make the 'lows' into 'highs' in 2005. This means putting more effort and time into my writing...I MUST WRITE EVERYDAY. Here's to getting published in 2005.